How well do you know yourself – better still – do you know yourself?
PEOPLE BOTHER ME!!
Why does your boss bug you, your in laws irritate you, your friend frustrate you now and again, your partner aggravate you, and your clients just disturb you.?
I was having a particularly BAD day – seemed like everyone in the whole world had gotten together the night before and plotted to make my life miserable. Why are their so many inconsiderate, inappropriate, bothersome people in the world.
Has it ever crossed your mind why some people can consistently create havoc in your life and others not. You probably haven’t really given it much thought I didn’t. I just tended to stay out of the way of people who get on my nerves. After all we really are only attracted to mixing with company we like.
Unfortunately, in our work environment, sport or activities we choose to do, we can’t always pick the people we get along best with. Sometimes even in a relationship there are times when your partner annoys you to death. What about your in-laws, or your best friends partner, or clients, or just the motorist who cuts you off, the customer who takes the last chocolate bar, the person who leaves the lid off the toothpaste, or puts the milk container back in the fridge with a drop left..
So there I was trying to work out ways to manage my life so that I wouldn’t have to put up with annoying people. You know the types – the lazy ones, the ones who let everyone else do all the work, the complainers, the wingers, the know it alls, the I can do that bigger and better than you, the my way is the best/only way, the dont bother me with trivia, or even – just don’t bother me and the woe is me.
SO I STARTED THINKING
I cant spend my life dodging those people who really rub me the wrong way.
It dawned on me that there was a fair chance Id never get to talk to anyone – let alone have any fun!!
Luckily annoying people don’t hang out in packs so its not like you have to handle groups of whingers, perfectionists, know it alls or lazy people (well this last lot hangs out at my house – it always seems to be “someone” else’s turn!)
So how do you stop people from annoying you if you have to be with them.
I had already tried – not mixing with them, but I ended up alone.
I thought of drinking myself to oblivion – but decided that wouldn’t work – I still wouldn’t be making any new friends, I could end up hung over and sick as, not to mention broke.
I considered beating them til they changed their minds or were quiet. However there were several reasons this wasn’t really an option. Least of all being the potential assault charges – besides Im not that fit myself, and overall not an aggressive person – so that would defeat the purpose.
So with my options running low, it occurred to me that I really couldn’t control what other people did. Whatever reason they are as they are, I couldn’t change that. Just as someone telling me to stop being so “perfect” would not make me change.
So what can I do to get along with everyone. What if there was some way I could mix with people and NOT let them get on my goat.
I remember a couple of work colleagues who’s work routines used to agitate me no end. You see, Im a “organized chaos” type of person. (Something Im working on changing – but that’s another story!) I usually have several projects on the go, with paperwork spread from a-z and my mind goes flat out. Id get jobs done, in my time – which used to bother these colleagues as they were precise, predictable, organized structured and several less than friendly words people. They had a method and boy did they not like it when I upset their routine.
It was really distressing that these people seemed to go out of their way to make my job so difficult.
HOW I COPED
Thankfully my boss then was a forward thinker – and into self awareness and personal improvement. He packed us all off on a workshop around personalities.
Well no surprises – I am an organized chaos sort of person – but my work colleagues are procedure driven. No great surprises there you say. Think about it. The thing is – until it was pointed out to us that how we worked was a particular personality trait of our own we both thought the other person was just being an obnoxious so and so going out of their way to annoy the other. Once we realized that neither of us was actually trying to upset the other – we essentially were able to work on compromise and our working relationship went a lot smoother.
This little exercise got me intrigued about who I was. More particularly why I react to different people. I made it my goal to discover a lot more self improvement workshops and websites.
MY POINT IS…
Once you understand yourself – getting along with others is not so hard
HOW IS THAT DONE I HEAR YOU ASK?
Well in my experience, its an on going process. It doesn’t happen overnight and it can be a little confronting when you find out something about yourself that you didn’t realize.
Yet, once you are aware or “conscious” of the areas in your life that are potential hazards – you can actively concentrate of improvement (daahh – self improvement) . Sometimes even you can turn these less than favourable characteristics to your advantage – eg my impatience is renowned – yet in some jobs – wanting to get things done quickly is actually an advantage – so I apply for jobs that need action..!!
On the other hand, once you are aware of a small imperfection – its easier to deal with and let go. Let me give you an example.
I had a boyfriend. We had known each other for 2 years. Out of the blue an “old” – oops sarcasm – ( another trait I am working on due to insecurity) female friend shows up. That’s old as in long time not old as in aged. Anyway, I couldn’t figure out why this women irritated me so much – how could she I hadn’t even met her. Well, its probably obvious to you – I was jealous – well when I worked that out it was a slap in the face – I didn’t consider myself the jealous type.
So I could of left it at that… but it still left the question – What is there to be jealous of —- dig deeper I cam up with heaps of logical reasons why I would be jealous – long time friend, lots of history – memories, good times, same friends – ones I didn’t know, – threat of reconnection and all. OK so it makes sense to be jealous – – does it – not if its going to affect your relationship it doesn’t.
So again I went deeper – what’s really going on – ah hah – I was scared that because of their connection I would be – rejected… why you ask? Think here – I was really insecure about my status – our history, our future… once I realized that there was absolutely no reason to worry about their relationship – and I started focusing on our relationship – things could have been fine. Except Im a tad slow and didn’t work all this out until he was sick and tired of my carrying ons and we had split up!! –
MORAL OF THE STORY
WORK OUT WHAT IT IS ABOUT SITUATIONS THAT HURT OR AFFECT YOU.
Once you have sorted through things – they don’t tend to happen again. Had I of not dug into my own feelings – I would not have found those insecurities. There was every chance (I don’t gamble – but on this I would!!) – this situation may have occurred in my next relationship – with the same result….
Now I know to be confident in my self, my ability to create a fun loving secure relationship and I don’t ever have to get jealous of anyone ever again. !!
GET THE MESSAGE
Once you understand yourself – getting along with others is not so hard
BE PREPARED THOUGH
Once you start digging into that sore patch – you may find some rotten things down there – but the good news is – they can always be thrown in the bin.
Sometimes, you can just cut the rot out and things regrow – bigger stronger and more fruitful..
Work on yourself – find those things that are buried deep. It takes committment because it’s not easy. You will find things that you may not be happy about and you may just want to throw dirt on them and forget about them… they don’t decompose – they just rot and poison your whole being….
Accept them, fix them, Let Go – and move forward.
There are lots of positive, motivational, inspirational, counselling websites – or leave me a message and we can chat privately.