ARE NEGATIVE PEOPLE AND THORNY ROSE BUSHES REALLY ALIKE? What Negative Influences surround Negative People?
Just as Thorny Rose Bushes can blossom, so to can Negative People. Negative Influences can be removed from Negative People.
ITS ABOUT KNOWING HOW TO DEAL WITH NEGATIVE PEOPLE AND NEGATIVE INFLUENCES.
I looked at the overgrown climbing rose.. and thought – I have to do this.. the weight of the bush was too heavy for the netting nailed to the fence to hold up.. I have to trim it.
Half of me was thinking, stay away from that bush, like your mind says tread carefully when you can see potential positivity in a negative person, your inner voice says “Stay Away from Negative People”. All of the signs point to letting things be, don’t go there.
Im not really dressed for the occasion, its probably not the right time of year (Its winter here in Australia) – to be trimming rose bush, I don’t have the equipment or skills. Yet, as the knowledgable rose bush trimmer that I am, and on a spur of the moment decision, I’m going to give it my best shot. My Mum had rose bushes, Ive watched her do this (think Id of paid attention to what time of year it was). You just hack away at the limbs. but this won’t take much work. Get in get it done and escape – just like when dealing with negative people.
As Im professionally “hacking” away at the thorny branches, it occurred to me that this is really a lot like dealing with negative people. You start tentatively, not daring to make suggestions like with a rose bush -starting with the thin branches, working from the outside in to occasionally daring to reach in between some twisting limbs to snip deeper in, the rose bush constantly fighting back. (check out my hands) ->
This rose bush, like many negative people refused to see anything positive, or the greater opportunity of the situation.
The more I cut the harder it was, and it seemed like the branches and thorns were actually reaching out to attack me – like in Sleeping Beauty when the Prince was cutting his way through…. nasty stuff.
Now many people say, “choose to let go of negative influences and negative people”, for they will end up bringing you down. I can appreciate this, as I have worked with plenty of negative people and even had my share of negative friends.. and still do.. however I believe that with the right tools – you can overcome the negative influences and create a place for them to blossom. I have wondered if negative thinking is safer than positive thinking, and here is an interesting blog post on that topic.
Take my climbing rose bush.. growing wild, thin branches reaching out – yet full of thorns, further in – at the core, thicker stronger branches attached to the fence, supporting the thinner ones. All full of thorns yet also capable of creating beautiful rose blossoms – if tendered for regularly and carefully.
Negative people are like the rose bush.. reaching out albeit in a negative way, with thorns of cyniscm and sarcastic prickles to protect the beautiful rose blossom deep within. Just like a rose bush they can blossom yet stay dormant if not cared for. People in pain, hurting can be really prickly when you try to get too close to them.. thorns that will cut you, slice you and dig into you… ah yes, just like a rose bush when you get too close.
It occurred to me whilst I was pruning this bush, that I need to remain focused on what outcome I wanted to achieve. I want this bush to grow and blossom again next year, I also want it to be able to hang from the supports on the fence without fear of falling down.
Lost people are like rose bushes – using their thorns and prickliness to protect themselves from further harm.. and with the wrong approach the outcome can be similar to my approach to pruning this bush. – Nasty cuts and prickles embedded in my skin.
Id attack from any angle… heading straight in to the deepest part thinking that if I cut there, it would save me time and I could pull a large amount off.. only to get caught up by the branches hooking my unprotected well meaning hands. The more I tried to cut into the thicker core branches the more entangled I became. Sometimes even when a limb would be cut, the bush became more clingy than ever, attaching itself to my clothes and as I tried to pull it away the deeper in the thorns went. Nasty bush!
HOW TO MANAGE NEGATIVE PEOPLE..
This is usually how well meaning people approach negative people, heading straight into the deepest pain trying to help – and then only creating more pain and negativity.
It occurred to me that perhaps I should start from the inside out.. going slow and carefully choosing which limb or branch to cut. It was a slower process but much safer and I seemed to get quicker results. A lot like counselling really…. start cutting away slowly, choosing the weaker limbs to remove first. Thus decreasing the negativity – slowing removing the negative influences and replacing them with positive influences.
The rose bush, just like a person in pain, the deeper in I went, the thicker the stems, the more twisted and entwined. Often our lives are like the rose bush. The deeper we repress our problems the more ingrained and twisted they become, the more like other negative people we become.
Often there may even be some “inside” maintenance done by way of self medication in order to ensure that the bush is held up.. or our pride, or other emotions.
It takes an expert pruner.. or sometimes just a well intentioned novice gardener to get to the root of the problem, so that fresh shoots can come through.
So next time you are talking to a prickly person – remember the rose bush.. perhaps they have been hurt and are just protecting themselves. Underneath all those thorns of negativity and prickles of cyniscm is a rose just waiting to bloom.
Don’t disregard a negative, sad, depressed, cynical person as a lost cause. They just need someone with the right equipment, to come along and with tender care prune back the branches and remove the dead wood (negative influences). If the right tools are used, no-one gets hurt.. and you get the biggest blossom ever when it’s taken time to heal and regrow.
You may be wondering what is the right equipment, just like when pruning a rose bush, you need to assess what is needed.. sometimes its just secutuers, other times its a stronger saw. Keeping a positive mental attitude when surrounded by negative people or negative influences is a bit tricky – but if you read this article How to Keep a Positive Mental Attitude.. it gives you some tips.
Some tools may be counselling, personal development, a complete change or all three – it all depends on the size and age of the problem. Only by reaching out to someone with pruning knowledge will you be able to see what kind of equipment may be useful.
Once all the old negative influences, emotions and feelings are cut away and we are left stripped bare — just like the rose bush – only then can we begin to shoot again as the person we are destined to be!
Negative People are just people hurting.. don’t ignore them, work with them and help them to see the negative influences in their lives so they can improve everything for themselves.