Easing Emotional Pain is a difficult task, especially if you find yourself Over Emotional.
WARNING – Only for those who are open to getting over emotional pain!.
You will get angry reading this. My thoughts here may seem callous.. you probably think I have no idea about emotional pain…. but always remember this – You inspire me, simply because you have and are managing your own agony and emotional pain. Please do not get over emotional when reading this, I empathise with you. These things are not said or shared out of callous disrespect or thoughtlessness to your hurting and grief. I realise traumatic experiences take a long time to heal, if ever, please consider this as just a different way to see, think and do your current situation..
Firstly, can I acknowledge that there are different degrees of emotional pain.. depending of the situation it may take longer or be more difficult to get over emotional situations. However, here are some thoughts for you to consider.. they may or may not work.
If you were to let go of your emotional pain and current thinking on your past painful circumstances – is there anything you stand to lose. What will it say about you if you stop hurting. Would it mean you are OK with what happened, that you don’t mind anymore, that you didn’t care back then?
Do your emotions define who you are.. does holding on to your emotional pain keep you over emotional – and does this serve you in any way. –
If you let go of your emotional pain and current thinking on a circumstance what would you gain – – could you get over emotional about being happy, move forward, change your life, begin again – create what you want out of life????
MY QUESTION IS… How do you know when you are over an emotional experience that has happened "to" or "in" you/r life?
- When you can think about it and not cry
- When you can talk about it and not feel ill
- When you have forgotten totally about it
- When you have moved on
- When you have forgiven those involved…
I say WRONG to all of the above, because:
- you may not be over something just because you stop crying about it.. it is still an emotional scar, and emotional pain, it still hurts you, you still feel it.
- You may not be over something just because you stop thinking about it or when you talk about it – you feel ok!!
- You are certainly may not be over it just because you have forgotten it. The emotional pain may still run deep.
- You definately may not be over it just because you are doing/living have "moved" on… it may not mean you have let go of a past emotional pain… and forgiving those involved is a step in the right direction…or have you just shifted the focus of the pain.
Simply because you do not get over emotional about your past pain, does not mean that you are still not hurting. Showing no emotion can be just as much of a symptom of not dealing with your emotional pain, as being over emotional.
You can forgive your boss for sacking you – but that doesn’t mean the emotional pain and hurt of losing your job doesn’t still affect you. You can forgive (over time) your spouse for cheating/leaving you but does that mean you are over the pain, or will trust them again. I think, there’s a lot more to emotional pain than simply saying you are over it.
A Different Outlook to Emotional Pain
It's difficult to push emotional pain out of the way but consider this….
All events, occurrences, situations, circumstances, bad things…good things too… are just a TIME and PLACE! Whatever has happened to you.. has not just happened to you alone.. many many many others have suffered/are suffering emotional any pysical pain, just as you are.
Imagine if you will/can just for a moment… your past pain event – and think of it like this… If it was not YOU it would/could have been someone ELSE. Now that’s not to say that you are not important, its just getting you to consider that well, heck.. it could have been someone else… so that event is just a TIME and PLACE…
Yes the event was traumatic, terrifying, emotional, frightening… ongoing even. I am not saying that you shouldnt sit your with your pain (for a while).. or that you should disregard it. Im just asking for a different perspective.. Getting Over Emotional Pain is about healing.
Looking at this differenlty, does not mean that you accept everything as "ok". No way.. some things definetly are not "ok" and should never ever have happened.. however by stepping back, acknowledging that it was a time and place.. You will find releif when you can look at the event, and it does not define who you are.
When you have no fear of losing who you are, perhaps then you can move forward and create a different life. When you can ACCEPT that IT WAS JUST A TIME AND PLACE, you can look for a lesson in the occurrence that you can use to strengthen you. Then it is not that time of grief, pain or trauma.. but that time that taught you something, or you began something and you are released. Its up to you to work out what the lesson was – and to utilize the lesson.
Now your saying – ok yeah.. but what’s the lesson in my horrible experience..
When I get over emotional my thoughts run away with me Consider this….. your brain is already running away from you with thoughts and lessons that are already ingrained in you from that experience… and it’s not a positive lesson.
Your Subconscious works in amazing ways…. Even without knowing it you have “learned” something from this event…
Perhaps it was that you are worthless, that you don’t deserve any better, that you would never be able to survive without that person, that you can’t think for yourself, have no brains…
That other people think you are a loser, ugly, selfish, nasty and the list goes on….
So if you can think these things without even knowing it…
You need to retrain your brain..
So how do you know when you are “over” something…
When you can look at that time and place in your life as an event. A thing that happened and it does not define who you are or control your future actions. Emotional pain holds you back from tackling anything remotely like the situation you were in when the event occurred. So once you have let go of the emotional pain and can state what benefits you have received from that event.. that is how it strengthened you or created a better you.. then you are on the road to recovery.
Remember this is difficult to do, because usually these events may have occurred more than once, so the emotional pain is truly ingrained in us. [seek professional assistance if you have difficult managing your emotional pain or find you are always very or over emotional]
Once you can acknowledge – all good things about yourself… continually, regularly, ongoing.. just as you used to continually regularly feel emotional pain.. or become over emotional.. then you know you are close to being able to move forward with your life in a positive way.
Stop hanging onto your negative beliefs and emotional pain. Replace the negative beliefs and lessons learned with positive – ongoing growth – create your own new normals stating who you are.
I am. Resilient, I am resourceful… I have more inner strength than I thought possible. I love deeply… I hurt deeply… I have a tendency to help people, save people want people who… because I need ..??.. I am persistent, I can do more than I ever thought I could… I have knowledge about… I can create a strategy to survive X. I am not a bad person… I am loveable, adorable, it taught me that I put my whole faith in…one person, one things,… and I should diversify It taught me to value….. other people’s thoughts/emotions/ It taught me to be honest all the time.. It taught me to be grateful for every good thing that comes my way It taught me to be proud of who I am… You have to look deep inside of yourself at the part of you it hurt…and logically work out why that hurt… then connect an emotion to that logic and hurt.. understand that emotion…. and Whallllaaaa… there is hope.
There is healing of your emotional pain – and you are on the path to being "less emotional" rather than "over emotional". Once the situation loses control over your emotions, you will no longer feel like that over emotional out of control person. You will gain confidence in your decisions and next time around you will BE AWARE of what to look out for, to protect yourself from…. To stay away from ….
HOPE comes from realising things are just a TIME and PLACE… that you happened to be in.. It did not occur because of YOU…. If not you – someone else… once you can remove you from it….
You will be able to look for a silver lining, a positive thought, and acknowledge that you actually GOT something out of it to move forward with.
You wont move forward until you know what the lesson is that you learned.
No one else can help you find your silver lining – because it is your lesson, your positive outcome.. only you can make this happen. Plenty of people can tell you what emotional pain they think you have overcome… but only you can make sure you do not get over emotional in situations, and that you do not suffer any emotional pain from situations.
It does not mean you care less, it just means that you are clear on who you are, and what is going on around it. It is about controlling your emotions in a positive way. When you can put into words how you feel… instead of just plummeting to the ground in a bunch of over emotional tears pain, – you are on the road to a healthy recovery from being over emotional and suffering emotional pain.
May I suggest reading the book the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.. he speaks of being present.. In the NOW… and once you can master this..you no longer hold on to the past… or worry about the future… You become grateful for every day!.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on my outlandish thinking here!!… Please leave your comments below..